Community Organizing Against Russian Invasion in Ukraine
Recently Ukrainian National Troops have been enjoying military success against the Russian backed separatists. They have been pushing the separatist back and have even besieged the rebel held city of Donetsk. That all appears to have changed this week as there are confirmed reports that Russian Regular Army troops have crossed the border and invaded Ukraine. Ukrainian National forces report that the Russian Regular Army has been advancing with tanks, light armored vehicles and heavy artillery. Ukrainian forces are said to be in retreat as they lack the type sophisticated heavy weaponry that could counter such an advance. Ukrainian Governmental Officials have reiterated their requests to the western nations of NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organization) and the US to assist them with weapons to counter the Russian assault. President Obama has made himself clear, that he sees “no military solution to the Russian Invasion of Ukraine”. Up to this point he and other western leaders have responded only with economic sanctions and some humanitarian relief supplies.
Or so we believed, until details of a low profile operation coordinated through the State Department and the Department of Justice. This operation plans to respond not with boots on the ground but something better, community organizers. For weeks State Department and Department of Justice Officials have been setting up community organizer offices all over eastern Ukraine. Community Organizers are being recruited primarily from San Francisco and the Denver Colorado areas with the promise of large tax free State Department salaries for serving overseas. We are told that a majority of these recruits have been unemployed college students with former campaign and activist experience. Sources revealed that these community organizers have been provided with the public relation materials to wage a war of information and education against Russian President Putin’s military incursion into Ukraine. A sample of the pamphlet material that is being distributed by the community organizers in Ukraine was obtained by Politicule. Contained within is an in-depth description of how President Obama has substantially increased world tranquility and a detailed synopsis of how Russia’s invasion of Ukraine will fail because it represents a 19th century mentality in the 21st century world. Organizers have also been equipped with a robust technology package to facilitate their social media campaign.
What kind of results has this community organizing campaign in a war zone produced? Exactly the type of results you’d expect when you put a community organizer up against a hardened clandestine warrior. We spoke with a Ukrainian Army Colonel that requested he not be identified by name. He’s has seen the program working first hand.
“Yes I’ve seen Obama Community Organizers in areas of Donetsk and Luhansk. They are mostly nuisance. There are so many of them, who knows where they come from. They are very aggressive, and maybe crazy or stupid no? They seem to not understand that this is war and people are shooting guns. I see them shouting down soldiers from both Ukraine and Russia, trying to give them pamphlet. Its’ funny pamphlet is not even in Ukrainian or Russian, it’s almost like gibberish. Must be another private contractor screw Obama, ah? They try to get soldiers to take selfie picture with them holding little sign, that say #United for Ukraine or #Bring Back Crimea or something silly. They walk right onto battlefield like no one going to kill them. In beginning Ukraine and Russian soldiers just laugh at them, but now patience is, what you say wearing thin. And they cry like babies when they get shot or blown up. War is no place for wimps like this.”
“You say they are scholars in America, but they know nothing. I see them wonder into middle of battlefield with no protection. When shooting started they didn’t know what to do. Soon then they all wander into minefield and start arguing. They go this way and some get blown up by landmine, then they go that way and some more get blown up by landmine. Ha, kind of like metaphor of entire Obama foreign policy I think.”
“What is this Obama dithering? I don’t understand, we ask for weapons. We need weapons, we want to fight for Ukraine. Just get us anti-tank missiles, shoulder fire Javelin. We need anti-aircraft Stinger, we ask Obama for this. You know what he give us, sleeping bags. What does he want us to do with sleeping bags? Lay down for Putin like he does? He gives us sleeping bags and community organization, he is an idiot. I don’t understand what American’s see in him.”
Despite the Colonel’s scathing analysis of the Anti-Invasion Community Organization Program, the State Department is touting it as a great success. They believe that the program has turned public opinion in the region against America and President Obama, which would put in on par with all of the other Obama policies to date. The casualty report of injured, dead and missing community organizers was stated to be lower than expected, but actual numbers will not be released until its politically convenient or during the next crises when no one is paying attention.
We have been told that in fact the State Department considers the Anti-Invasion Community Organizer Campaign in Ukraine to be so successful that they will be setting up a similar Anti-Beheading Community Organizer Campaign targeting the Militant Jihadist group ISIS in their territories in Iraq and Syria. The objective and methodology will be very similar as in the prior campaign, although several analysts commented that they thought it was strange that in this campaign there were no plans to provide the organizers with any hats. Or, is this just a thinly veiled Political Ridicule?
POLITICULE 