Vladimir Putin’s strategy to annex the Ukraine is strikingly familiar to many in the fields of political science and military history. Protection of German speaking peoples was exactly the pretense that Hitler used to annex the Baltic countries in the lead up to World War II. Putin now uses the pretense of protecting Russian speaking Ukrainians for the taking of the Crimea by force and buildup of military forces on Ukraine’s eastern border.
New information coming out of the Kremlin reveals the reasons for these parallels and others. All of Putin’s geopolitical plans have been approved by Hitler’s brain. For years conspiracy theorists have been saying that Russian troops recovered Hitler’s body during the siege of Berlin and that his brain has been kept alive by Soviet scientists ever since. As it turns out, it was all true. Until recently Hitler’s brain had been considered nothing more than a war trophy and curiosity among the inner circles of Russian aristocracy. Apparently Hitler’s brain was able to garner not only powerful influence, but financial wealth after the fall of the Soviet government. Hitler’s brain took control over the sports nutrition and sports medicine industries, cornering the entire Russian market. President Putin relied heavily on the advice of Hitler’s brain for the planning and execution of the Sochi Winter Olympics. If fact it is Hitler’s brain that is credited with the performance of the Russian athletes at the games. As a result, Hitler’s brain has become one of the top advisors in Putin’s inner counsel. Of the recent violence and chaos occurring in the Ukraine, Hitler’s brain says “It’s great, looking forward to more of it. If only the rest of the gang could be here to see it.”
Of Hitler’s brain’s influence over recent world events, President Obama is quoted as having said “These developments are both concerning and disappointing”. When asked if this will change US policy in the region, Obama replied “No, we are still going ahead with our policy of appeasement and isolationism.” When asked if he was concerned that we were seeing similar circumstances as those which led up to World War II, Obama said “No I’m not concerned, it’s a good thing that history never repeats itself”.
POLITICULE 